Summarizing the Autistic Experience is futile; and I'm still going to attempt it through understanding my own behavior and the choices I've made to get to this stage in my life. Self awareness is essential to living with the right emotional attachments and removing the wrong emotional attachments. I purposefully minimize the number of choices I make every day in order to keep track of all the social rules set forth by society

Feedback loops created from our behaviors can result in uncontrollable ripple effects and highlights how emotional consciousness can be transmitted almost unconsciously, until we become more self aware of it. The effects of which have led me to experience multiple facets of life, from being gleefully happy to chronically depressed, while talking with other people. People like to watch my face while I watch their behavior, in hopes of understanding what kind of emotion I'm exhibiting and they're left astonished that I can have a blank expression while I'm feeling a whole range of emotions.. and I think that is a key component about the Autistic Experience Neurotypicals(NT) can't easily grasp. We, including NT, are capable of feeling more than one emotion at a time. Joy/Sadness, Hope/Despair, and so much more

The focus of intercommunication between the Autistic Community & Neurotypical Community is through empathy and is a great place to start because in every action we take, we must stay bolted to our emotions as we grow our societies; allowing empathetic connections and to feel for one another while also thanking our ancestors for their contributions to improve our quality of life through their ideation of social rules we must follow

Many Autistic & Neurotypical individuals have attempted to make a connection with me throughout my life, but in the end I would not be able to sustain the relationship because of the way the connections turned into expectations from both sides. Through an expression of kindness, someone attempts to make a connection with me and we connect empathetically. At some later point in time, that someone who showed that kindness corrects their behavior when an authoritative figure becomes involved, dropping the empathic social contract between that person and I. In result, that behavior is locked away again, as the lighting strike of an authority figure communicating a standard supersedes the empathetic exchange. This is commonly referred to as "power". From within the social group, that "power" keeps people safe, but when you're outside the safety of that group.. you don't receive the same protections and thats where we autistics find ourselves. With enough of these exchanges, it could have an accumulative effect and dove tail into causing miss-alignment of empathy

Brining it into example, I frequent coffee shops and I'm very particular about those coffee shops. There are pre-existing social rules that I'm very much aware of and I abide by them. When someone, through the intent of kindness breaks one of those social rules and I respond in kind to them. I have to be prepared for the inevitable correction of an authority figure to affect the empathic social contract between the person showing me kindness and me sharing gratitude in response

I only drink half of my coffee and I do that for a very particular reason. Therefore, I take the rest home and store it in the fridge for the next day. ( I'm a fan of cold brew coffee ) About two or three weeks back, a barista offered to take my cup for me before I left the coffee shop. I don't know why he offered, but he made the offer and it was interpreted as a kindness. His body language and smile showed kindness and therefore I responded with gratitude, taking the opportunity to share empathy with him. Some time had passed and this new behavior of mine became more consistent, and the feelings from the original act of kindness and exchange of empathy faded. Only the behavior remained and my autistic brain accepted it as a new social rule without running the behavior against my logical framework for social rules relative to authority. I simply basked in the warmth of the mutual empathy. Then I performed the new behavior with an authority figure and it turned from an exchange of empathy into an expectation I had of the establishment. Within days the behavior was corrected in the barista by the authority figure and today I went back to get another coffee, only to be knocked by the correction. The social contract of empathy I had with the barista was abolished. Ouch

Going forward, I'll continue to bring home and store my coffee in my fridge. I'll also remember the barista's empathetic social contract and remember it fondly. My response to his denial of taking my cup, was a kindness on my end. Letting him know, I understand things have changed again and that the empathetic social contract we had is now voided and through my kindness and their mistake, I showed mercy to release them from the expectation they set with me originally

To me, the matter is closed.. but how can I be certain the barista understood my response as merciful? I can't, and that is in my opinion, the cosmos of misinterpretation we call the Double Empathy Problem

If the exchange was correctly interpreted, than its closure for both sides. In the most non-verbal way possible and all I have to do is take my cup of coffee home with me the next time and not gesture to hand it to him again, reinforcing I understood what was communicated to me